beauty

I'm trying not to be one of those super annoying 'inspirational' people. We all know who I'm talking about. We sit down and read their posts, while all a long thinking "gag me, there's no way they can seriously think of this stuff everyday." Later you come to find out they found their idea on Pinterest or Tumblr. Haha, my word, people these days. If you think I'm one of those I'm sorry. There isn't a fake bone in my body, and I have no intentions of writing to make people believe I'm something that I'm not. Anyways, now that that tangent is out of me, I'd like to share what has been on my mind.

Have you ever just looked around you, and thought that one moment you're in, is beautiful? I have. To me these experiences tend to be 'out of body' ones. It's like I leave myself, time slows, and I capture every small detail. It's entirely surreal. I've noticed that these moments are nothing particularly amazing, nothing extraordinary happens, but it's breath taking.

For instance, last night I was with a few of my closest friends. We were all sitting around the table, just talking and laughing. At one point, it felt like my heart stopped. All the sound faded, and I was left with my own thoughts pounding in my skull. I looked around and studied each person's face, taking in fine details. I got this overwhelming feeling in my chest, like someone threw a bomb directly at my heart. When it exploded, this throbbing filed through my body, all the way to my fingers and toes. It felt empowering, but at the same time, calming. Then, shortly after I returned to my own thoughts, and the sound came back to me. I was stunned for a small amount of time. I didn't think such a normal happenstance could critically turn my day around. The only word that was left in my mind, was beautiful.

My father is a mechanical engineer. Throughout his career he has helped invent and patent new parts and machines for several companies. When he talks about machines and parts, there's this light in his eyes that tells me how much he loves it. He may not outwardly express it, but it's amazing to see how as he explains things I can almost see his brain working, putting the parts together to create these new inventions. He may not say it, but I know it's moments like those, where the math he does fits together, the planning and all the time set aside towards each project, that when it's all said and done, it's beautiful.

I know within myself I get so caught up in what's going on 'now'. It's hard to pull back and realize the moments that truly are special. So many slip by, and I wish there were more beautiful moments to fill my mind. It'll be nice to look back, when I'm old and lived my life, and realize my life was beautiful. If not to anyone else, than to me. That's the legacy I want to leave behind.