moments

Recently I've been posed with the thought of time. How do we measure it for ourselves? Yeah sure, a minute passes by, then an hour, a day... weeks and months. We all have the basic understanding of those things. What I can't wrap my head around, maybe I'm just crazy, but what does that even all mean? People say all the time to 'not waste our time', 'do something productive with your time'... etc. Why? Why is playing video games considered less productive than reading a book? I'll be honest that is just one example of many. What is truly the difference of spending 3 hours killing zombies, or 3 hours reading about some fantasy romance? Is there one? I never really thought of there being a difference in how I spend my time, until yesterday.

There is a limited amount of 'time' in this life. Whether you believe in God or not. Whether you believe there is a life after death, that doesn't matter right now. Either way, despite your beliefs, you have a small window in this life my friend. This poses the next question, what are you willing to do with this small amount of time? People think 80 years is a long, and fulfilled life. Hah, please, don't make me laugh. 80 years is a long amount of time, but in whose eyes? Yours? Mine? Society's? That's something I can't answer. Everyone has their own vision of time. People have their own opinions on what is productive, what isn't. Even if life were to end when we die, if nothing exists after this life, do you sincerely care how you lived this life? I do. I believe that there is so much more after this life, an eternity. I want to end this life learning as much as I possibly can, getting to know and love people for who they are. I want to raise a family, and be with a man that I can give my whole heart too. Don't get me wrong, I love playing video games. Spending hours with my friends watching movies, laying around. Don't get me started on how much I love sleep, it can't be normal how much I sleep in a day. Do I consider those things to be less productive? No. Do I think that maybe it has a lesser value than some other things I could be doing? Maybe. I want to share an experience I had last night.

One of my best friends, Lindsey and I went driving for awhile. When I say awhile, it was a solid hour, at least. For the entire time, we were just talking. We both opened up about a lot of things, laughed, shared secrets. Now, comparing this to what I'm usually doing, watching Netflix and procrastinating homework, this felt a lot more meaningful. Why? Because, it's a memory I will cherish for the rest of my life. She may never know how much that night meant to me, how much I appreciate her, and her friendship. Thinking back on it, that's when I realized, this is time well spent.

I have had many people come in and out of my life, people that have meant a lot to me. Although a lot of those friendships are not as strong as they were, I will never look back on a single one of those memories and think it was a waste of my time. My family and I are really close, as most know. Now that I am out on my own, I think back to a lot of memories I have with them. It's sad, thinking that it took me moving away to realize how much I cherish those memories. Those small moments when me and my mom would drive around and just talk. When my sisters would come home to visit, just for a few days. When I would sleep over at a friends house, and we'd just laugh for who knows how long. With each of those memories, things that other's view as 'productive' probably weren't happening, but that doesn't matter to me. As long as I can look back on my life, and be content. That's all I want. I don't have to be writing a best selling novel, breaking a world record, inventing something entirely new. I just need to be content with myself, and with how I want my life to be.

Happiness is what we chose to feel. Don't waste time moping around thinking your worthless. Take the time to do the things you love. I can promise you won't regret it.