something new

Well hey!

So, I've never really done something like this before. Never in my life did I think I was going to start a blog... just never occurred to me as something I should do. But whatever! I'm here now. I don't expect many people will read this, I have to say that thought calms me. Putting my own voice out for anyone to read is nerve racking. However, change is good. Delving into this online fantasy may just be the one door that leads me to many new possibilities.

Recently, I've been thinking about the constants in my life. With spring semester coming to an end, I can't help but feel anxious. For one, I have never been away from home for this long. I'm definitely a home body, and I miss my family more than words can describe. Questions are residing in the back of my mind. Will I be able to get a job? Am I going to be able to find friends that I can care for more than just the surface of who they are? When will I be able to go back home? Can I fulfill all the goals I have set out for myself? Am I sure this is really what I want, where I need to be? I can't even begin to tell you how crazy this is making me. The more I ponder upon these things, the more of my sanity I feel slipping away. But, even with my insanity, I guess I will have to see what lies ahead. Taking each new day, one step at a time.

Part of me wants to end here, leaving whoever is reading this in the same wonderment I am in. Should I?... nah, I'll cut you all some slack today. Instead, I want to mention a few things I am grateful for. For the past couple weeks, I have been making a conscious effort to think of one thing I am grateful for each day. The first person I thought of? Haley Wallace. Wow, where do I even begin? She is by far, one of the best friends I have ever had. Don't get me wrong, our relationship has been far from perfect. We have definitely traveled down some rough roads. There was a time when I thought I was really going to lose her. Words cannot describe how broken I felt. We manage though. Each day is a new slate, and I can honestly say the one thing that brings me the most peace, is waking up and seeing her laying right next to me. As weird as that sounds, I love her. I know I can count on her for anything. Thinking about these next few months without her, chills me to my core. But, as scared as I am to be here without her, I have never felt more peace. Being away from her is going to be hard, but I know her decision to go back home is the right one, and I only wish the best for her.

The next thing I am grateful for, is my family. As cliche as that last sentence was, it's absolutely true. My family has been the one constant in my life that I don't know if I could survive without. I feel my family is very unique to most others. I can honestly say each member is my best friend. My mother, haha oh dear, my mother. She is definitely the coolest person I know. Hands down. I have never known someone to be so loving. When she comes to talk to you, and expresses concern, love, happiness... whatever it may be, she is genuine. The amount of people she knows, the amount she has touched, unfathomable. She is a unique woman, and she is my best friend. I know I would not be half the person I am today if it wasn't for her. I owe her so much, but all I have to give her right now is my love. My siblings, my word, there is no describing how our life is when we are all together. Pure chaos. I can never get enough of it. My two older sisters, Chantel and Kileigh, were such great examples to me. How hard both of their lives were, and to see where they are now, unreal. They are two exceptional women. I can only hope to one day fill their shoes, as sisters, mothers, wives, and friends. Both of their husbands are amazing. Joe and Bryan are two men I know I can count on for anything. They are my older brothers, and it's weird thinking of life before they were part of our family. God bless you two for marrying my sisters, we all know what a handful they can be. ;) Then there's my younger brother, Connor. He is my biggest rival, and my biggest protector. Growing up all we did was fight. It's sad to say I can hardly remember times when we weren't fighting. After I moved out for school, I realized how much I really do care about him. He's growing up to be a fine young man. Haha, words I never thought I would say. Lastly, there's my father. I will never be able to describe how much I love him. He is the best man I know, and the best example of the kind of person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I have never known someone to be more intelligent than he is. Let me put it this way, if I had even just a 1/4 of his brain, I would never have to study for classes ever again. How freaking great would that be? I am very appreciative of all his hard work in taking care of me and my family. I am forever indebted to the life lessons he's taught me, and for the shoulder he has been in my life.

I'll be honest, I could go on for days about things and people I'm grateful for. There's so much to be grateful for, how could I not want to express all of it? I'll spare you all the boredom of this. I think this is a justifiable first post. Until next time.