getting older

With my 20th birthday coming up in less than two weeks, I've been doing a lot of thinking about how much I've changed, and how much I haven't changed at all. It's funny actually... upon all this thinking I realized the only difference between me now and when I was 10 is all I've experienced. The big 'changers' in my life made me who I am. Aren't we all that way though? Our past experiences made us who we are, if some of those turned out differently, would we have turned out differently? I guess we'll never really know.

I've thought about how when I was little I chose gameboys over barbies. I've always gotten along with guys way better than girls. Guess it's just my personality ;) I think the only time I ever touched a barbie doll was at a friends house when I was in 1st grade and the head was ripped off... yeah, that about sums up my doll playing. I think of how now I choose video games over clothes and or makeup. Just ask my mom, she was willing to buy me mac makeup for my bday and I told her to just put money in my account instead so I could buy video games. haha wow, I really haven't changed at all in that aspect.

The main thing that has been weighing heavily on my mind is how I've changed emotionally. I think we can all thank puberty for that one. I've thought about how happy-go-lucky I used to be. I literally cared about nothing, not how I dressed, or how people saw me. I didn't care to have friends, or to be in a relationship. The only things I cared about were my family and religion. I'm still pretty much the same way. I definitely don't care how I look while going into public, my friends can tell you about 85% of the time I'm in public I look legitimately homeless. I'll tell you what, I care now more than ever about having friends. I think about life without those that I hold dear and I'd rather be dead than not have them. They have been my life changers recently, and they give me a lot, if not everything to look forward too. Relationships scared me. I've had my heart broken plenty of times, but trust me whatever I've felt I've dealt. When i was growing up I always thought I'd get married really young. Man, has that view changed. The longer I'm up here in Rexburg, and I've dated around a little, even though I want to get married, I am not in a rush at all. Just like any girl I've fantasized about the day I'm dressed in all white, married to the man of my dreams. I know that day will come. But right now, honestly, I'm pretty content with how my life is. I consider myself pretty lucky, not many people can say that about their lives. I think I have it made just for that reason. :)

It's weird to think about how in 12 days I'll be 2 decades old. Wow. Just wow.

They say with age comes wisdom. Boy, have I found that to be true. There have been so many experiences in my life that have taught me so much. It's the only way I could even hold half the knowledge I do. I've only learned so much from text books. But life has taught me so much, and I'm grateful for all of it.

I just want to thank my family and friends. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be half the woman I am today. I love each and everyone of you. Thanks for making this the best 2 decades ever <3